Reverend John Fluff

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
"Miss Fitzgerald", he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure", she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realised that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub." The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."
The landlord nodded and said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

What Part of you Body Goes to Heaven First?

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny,why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's room the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The Nun fainted.